A Blog Mainly About Food

If by "mainly" you mean "sometimes"

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Rare

Not a description of cooking meat, but a description of what I'm going to blog about.

I don't normally write about really deep personal things. Why? Because I figure more people are interest in meaningless vapid tales of hedonism. Well, maybe not pure hedonism, but certainly a sort of materialism and shallowness. Oddly, this has caused a backlash amongst some, who presuppose that I have no self beyond the public. Well, because I'm in a rare mood (see, title?) I'm going to write a little bit about what's going on emotionally, instead of in my kitchen.

Currently, I'm hurt. It's kind of bad. After my last relationship ended amicably, I started dating casually. That was okay, but I felt like seeing someone more than casually. And I have officially been blown off by her. Why?

What hurts about this isn't the situation in specific. Its the trend that it is a part of. Since my last really long relationship I've been able to maintain a real relationship exactly once (since = two years ago). Every other romantic experience has either been meaningless on both ends or someone ignoring me/blowing me off/ending things with no warning. It isn't fun.

So, readers, many of you coming here from searching for "hunkar begendi" on Google, there you are. A little bit of insight into my emotional state at the moment. What, you were expecting me to go into how happy I am? Sorry, no dice. I feel like a mess right now, and it isn't fun. I'd actually enjoy throwing a temper tantrum or breaking something. This isn't something I'd call a generic sort of depression. Its a situational anger. To be blunt: I'm lonely. Very.

I'm fairly talented at maintaining a public face, wherein I am always happy, confident, and unsinkable. But I feel like people should know that's not all I'm about. Unfortunately, I have a very easily Google-able name, so this blog doesn't provide much of an anonymous cover. Thus the hesitation on going into dirty details. But I felt like dropping the curtain, at least once.

I promise the next entry will be about food. Seriously.